dodoz's Xanga

Friday, December 26, 2003

Fri, 26 Dec 2003 07:18:11 GMT

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE

somewhere out there,
beneath the pale moonlight,
someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight.
somewhere out there,
someone's saying a prayer
that we'll find one another in a big somewhere out there
and even though i know how very far apart we are,
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same white star
and when the night decides to sing in lues of lullaby
it helps to think we're sleeping
underneath the same big sky
somewhere out there
if love can see us through
then when we're together
somewhere out there,
our dreams come through...

one of my very fav song... the mouse version... makes me go all fuzzy inside... makes me suddenly believe in a kind of magic that i have long since forgotten since i was a kid...

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Thu, 18 Dec 2003 14:17:34 GMT

tired.....

i'm dead beat! sheesh... didn't noe job searching so damn hard... anyway found a temp job till 14 Jan... after that it's shopping and studying for SAT then looking for work again... my job's kinda weird but the pay's darn good and very short hours but weird hours...

schedule... every tue to fri working at 6-9.30pm... sat at 3-6pm and sun at 6-9.30pm... mondays' off cept on 22 coz replace the 24 and 31 that's holiday eves... yea~ then can party the night away... and i'll get around $960 by the time i finish not counting comission... so... it'll be around 1000+ bucks... am wondering whether to go for the loreal hair dye job interview tml since i'm chosen... pay also not bad at 1000 bucks basic not counting comission... con is that it's whole month of Jan not counting the two days off for new year and it's at 12-8pm! coz only monday off... i'll be like sooooooooo no life... coz later new year cannot go to pple's house and play or go and visit houses... plus no day dates... sianz... so i've decided maybe to only go for the interview and see how... haiz... dunno...

just noe one thing for sure... am definately not able to get cash before christmas... wat am i gonna do??????

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Wed, 17 Dec 2003 16:54:48 GMT

just had a talk

figured out somethings... not as bad as i thought so my guard's sorta down coz no cause at all... sorry had to broach this weird topic like in the middle of the night to him when he was already suffering from insomnia... hope it doesn't make things more diff for him... i'll feel so guilty and bad if it did...

but on the second hand, it feels do darn good to have things sorted out coz if not i would have felt so repressed... realised in a way i misunderstood him... yea~... so am going to be more understanding in future... well... for wat matters, i'll try ok! shouldn't ply him with more problems... bad girl! (referring to me lah! dun think too far!) coz i'm like so inconsiderate... haiz...

will stop now coz i have wake up very early at 8 tml... well... it's torture to me coz i gonna have to force myself outta bed... sheesh... *sobz* wei ah wei! >-<

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Wed, 17 Dec 2003 12:30:18 GMT

in a way

am happy today coz could meet him for a bit longer... it just seems so long ago... maybe 3 months or 4 months ago that we did really go on a PROPER date that like is more of leisure type... not this type of kinda rushed and tired one coz he's just too exhausted from work... wat to do... guess i'll have to like stay contented... it's not as if i have a choice...he has too many friends and let's just say 24 hrs per day is not enough for everyone and priority's not a choice though he's already trying...

told him about the dream... didn't exactly talked things out and didn't expect to have so little response... but then again, diff thinking coz to him, maybe it's like ridiculous to him but to me... think he won't be able to understand totally... not that i'm complaining... it's just i feel kinda frustrated in a way coz it's a sensitive topic that i think we both wanna avoid but still... somehow, it'll still be there... guess i'll just take step by step... anyway, no one said that a relationship would be smooth-sailing... wei said something to me... most pple dun last long coz pple change along the way and their other half sometimes just cannot take it... guess i understand that... it's like already 2 years plus... maybe this will be the worst that we have to weather through and after that, hopefully less nightmarish things will happen? i dunno... i'm crossing my fingers...

had a long day today... met wei in the morning to go for job-hunt... let's just say erm... it was tiring and exhausting and a little frustrating... but hey... not everyone is lucky enough to hit the nail on the head on their first day of job-searching... hope i'll have better luck tml! it had better be worth it coz i'm gonna have to give up my precious sleep to meet wei at such a forsaken hour of ninish in the morning! u pig!!!!!! someone help me... get me a machine that i'll just press and can have sleep and stay awake doing stuff at the same time! yea~ fat hope! the chances are slimmer than me! haha... not that i'm slim anyway... need to whip myself into shape soon! and no! i'm not talking about sado-masochism so keep your thoughts straight! haha...

i'm already not getting enough sleep as it is... only popping into my bed at 3 in the morning... sheesh... i've been almost living like an owl! but somehow, dun feel like sleeping so early coz i'll be thinking about a lot of things before i slipped into slumberland everyday... rather be up reading a book or watching tv coz then, i'll be occupied and i won't hu si ruan xiang so much... it's taxing on the nerves... and too much thinking is muddling me up... wondering about too many forbidden thoughts... suddenly... in a way... wish that i could turn the clock back and have put my feet down then... not that it's anyone's fault but i'm just a tat too sensitive... bought me too much agony coz i just keep thinking... i dunno... haiz...

anyway... gotta go and bath now... see ya~ and guys! take care!

P.S think i have a couple of things that i'll get him as a chrismas gift... but i'm in trouble... suddenly the term i learnt in primary sch 'as poor as a churchmouse' came up and ya... as u can guess... i'm really that mouse! sheesh... wat in the world am i to do!!!!!

dododododododododod

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Tue, 16 Dec 2003 02:52:32 GMT

at the edge...

i'm losing it... i'm even plagued by nightmares that made me like sit up from sleep... i'm that scared...the world has gone raving mad!

i need my diary... badly... but i haven't found one nice enough... sheesh. anyone noes where to get a nice journal? coz i have finished my last one...

need to rationalise...

and pple do me a favour... dun ask me wat happen, it'll remain a secret and it doesn't involve anyone... perhaps... besides, no one will understand and i dun care about explaining... nv have been one who noes how to express my feelings so i see no need in confiding on anything deep... it's not tt my friends are no help... it's me and my stupid belief... it will not help even if i said anything... just make myself look worse...

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Sat, 13 Dec 2003 15:02:03 GMT

everything's fine and dandy... spent eons antagonising over wat to do... in the end, everything turned out fine... but am a little pissed at some unsupportive remarks that my supposed friends have coz they are guys who have zlich idea about what makes a girl tick... but then, short of asking them to stuff their comments and save them for themselves, i'll hold my peace... besides, am in a good mood... dun wanna be petty... hee...

just have to iron out my insecureness... anyway, i have an extra hold over her(secret) so it's ok... haha...

nitez pple......

am glad to see so many familiar faces today at the css alumni bbq esp aiwei coz haven't seen her for ages... good to know that she's still the same old lamer... and as a dedication, thanks beca, aiwei and belle for standing by me... plus shang for telling me i have a free ear waiting for me to yak on... haha... and i feel accomplished coz i drag the lazy shihan outta her house!!!!! haha... bet u had fun right ger... it beats staying alone at home...

Friday, December 12, 2003

Fri, 12 Dec 2003 11:35:58 GMT

am now in Genting... originally was supposed to have returned to my home sweet home now... but my dad decided to make another trip up again and my mum wanted to meet her friends... so... here am i... again... it's getting quite boring... i practically have the whole map in my mind... bet i can even rattle off directions in my sleep... egads! on a better note... i ate cheesecake just now!!!!!!! yea....... so... it's not so bad after all? been shopping like crazy but there seems to be nothing tempting me except a shirt which i bought... failed to find a suitable gift for anyone... esp my dear... haiz...

which just brings me to another point... if one day your other half ask u if it's ok for him/her to accom another friend of the oppo sex out and said if u dun like it, he/she won't go, wat wld u say? i mean if i said no, i'll come across as petty and insecure, but again, if i say yes, won't i come across as over-generous? or is it too over-confident of myself? it doesn't help that that friend's quite good-looking... so guess wat... i decided to take the best path out... anything... i mean after all it's his own life... and i nv wanted to control it... but i just felt that it was weird why she asked him out of all pple, and it's like so outta the blue that they are very good friends... i mean like since when did it happen? ya... suddenly, i feel like i'm so in the dark though i'm sure he won't do anything to hurt me... but again, my friends have always said that i'm too sensitive... still, it doesn't give me an excuse to play dumb... if you're guessing, i'm jealous... but that doesn't count... i'm keeping my fingers crossed that there won't be a second time... i mean even if there is... i can't say anything coz i think one has to have a choice all the time... i'll so much rather he be the one to make a choice which i'll be ok with rather than i tell him to do something that i'll be happy with... in that case, i think i'll be the only happy one, so wat's the use... on the contrary to wat a lot of pple think, i'm not that dictatorial... watever... but can't say i like that girl now even if i didn't know her... perhaps if i knew her, it'll be different? realise i'm suddenly sick and tired of worrying over this and that... dun wanna be on me toes constantly... it's too tiring... besides, i have nv been the one with patience... but think this will just pass over... anyway, watever, i hope so...

i'll be sticking here for another 2 hours then it's home sweet home... am so tired and getting fatter coz i ate watever i want here... and in chunks too... first ice-cream then coffee-bean... then cheesecake... ahhhhhhhhh..... at this rate, i'll hate to think about my weight...

anyway, my prom photos turned out quite decent... i was expecting some distorted ugly images of me staring back but nope... am so glad... but i think had better look for a spare photo of my class photo coz it didn't turn out very clear and it wasn't complete coz limin, daniel and ling was missing... hmm...

had better look for job... after all, no one's going to be free soon with everyone working and sing working too... haiz... suddenly the whole hols just sux... dun ask me why, haven't been in a great mood today... and now, there's somebody yakking on the mike going on about how as time pass, she'll only care for him downstairs at the karaoke section... can feel a headache coming... think i'll go and play crazy taxi later to bang all the frustration away...

christmas' coming and my pockets empty... great! and von's bd is coming too... any rich person out there who wants a friend?

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Thu, 04 Dec 2003 18:16:52 GMT

yawn...

just came home from prom...
just finish bathing in fact... had to wash my hair 6 times coz the hair spray was so thick and hard!!!!!!! anyway, i supposed it was worth it if the effect was good... it had better be! it cost me $45!
the day was very long...
woke up early in the morning to pass bryan the trousers and meet tao for her camera after persuading her so hard to lend it to me... meet her at a bus-stop which i apparently got it wrong and ended up walking a whole stretch of road to meet her...
after that it was down to the hair salon... then i headed to my cousin's house to get ready... by 7 i reached GRAND HYATT and guess wat? i saw my dear and friends at the entrance waiting for me to see my outfit and overall look! they nearly couldn't recognise me! after a hasty farewell i went to look for doris they all... halfway there, i saw kristy... called her but she didn't reply... (also didn't recognise me... just like some of my friends)
the sch was quite sweet to actually give us a bear each! and it's cute! the food was not bad but most of the time i was going around to take photos...
saw lots of gorgeous ladies and guys tonight, well, nicholas certainly caught my attention! who wouldn't notice him with his super red mohog hairdo!
prom queen and king were quite... not up to my standard... was actually expecting more...
too bad i didn't win any lucky draw... the 3rd prize was a digi cam! haiz... some pple have all the luck...
after the prom was over, i went with doris, minz, bryan, cedric and meifang to the esplanade for the night breeze before finally catching a cab home with minz...
estimation: the prom costed me around $250!
i had better look for work FAST!
nitez pple!

plus, wanna share my achievement! i took out my contacts in less than 20 mins!!!!!!!!! yea!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

Tue, 02 Dec 2003 16:40:02 GMT

just wanna dedicate this entry to my dear!!!!!!

the reason: he waited so patiently in my house for near 2 hrs just for the dodo me to take off my contacts!!! yes! i freaked out coz i couldn't take the contacts out despite trying for like 1+ hrs! and it was already 12+ when he left... plus, his dad was yelling at him on the phone coz he has not been home to sleep for 3 days le...

pls tell me where u can get such a patient guy!!!!! sweeties! it's not that i wanna boast but i just can't help it! he even tried to help me take them out but coz i chickened out coz afraid of pain... in the end i use a tissue to get them out... coz my eyes were too moist and the contacts kept sticking back despite being half out! he had to endure my screams of frustration! even my parents got worried coz i have been trying for so long that my eyes turned red! in the end, my mum passed him ten bucks to catch a cab home...

on a lighter note, went shopping with my cousin at causeway today! got the bra i wanted! would u believe that a simple piece of cloth cost me a frigging $54.90!!!!! it's almost the same price as my prom dress! and less cloth at that... it must be the brand! after that went to the library and swept through books! after that it was down to ORCHARD again! seriously i'm getting damn sick of that place! met another cousin this time and the 3 of us went for thai food... after that we combed the paragon and far east plaza for my accesories... still didn't manage to get my earrings but i got one super gorgeous necklance and i love it!!!!!! it's black silver with the strands hanging to just above my very low prom dress neckline! and it came cheap! talk about a good bargain!

am going out with sing tml to get my earrings and meeting becca they all tml at 1 for a job hunt... wish me luck later... hmm... must remember to ask yien about his clothes...

and i regret to say that i cut two of my gorgeous fingernails just now to get the contacts out! yuck! now i have 8 very long nails and two very short nails! how in the world am i going to manage?????? ok! now i sound like a super bimbo! shit... i forgot to bother about my bag... hmm... should ask shyuan or becca or yuxian... ok! shall get that done by tml... if not have to ask tao le...

1 more day till prom... but weird... i dun feel excited at all... perhaps coz pjc didn't leave me with much good memories... haiz... think my dress' quite ordinary also but i dun care! i love it coz to me it's gorgeous... anyway, i will nv be in line for prom queen so blending into the crowd doesn't hurt! should try to enjoy myself as much as possible!

nitez preps! am so tired and i have dry eyes now... the contacts took off some moisture... sweet dreams!!!!!

Monday, December 01, 2003

Mon, 01 Dec 2003 16:39:47 GMT

YEA!

pple! i got my dress at 'flower in the attic'! apparently without me knowing that shop actually belongs to kit chen! explains the good taste ya!!! hooray!

and shianz, we'll get out someday... maybe go have a drink tml... i'll ask the rest!

i can't believe one of the specialised slut got nominated for prom queen for jjc! obviously the j1 counsellors are nuts! duh~ why can't the guys vote for themselves instead of having to depend on the stupid j1s?

some girls are just plain bimbos and sluts with the only satisfaction in life being to break up a couple! if they ask for my advice, i gladly give them: GET A LIFE!